Friday, April 5, 2013

A-Z 2013 - Exercise, Envy, Expedience

Spring has arrived but my body is still very much showing the effects of my selfless disposal of holiday treats -- perpetuating a cycle of 'waste not, waist not.'  Truth be told (and, who doesn't, when we're talking exercise), it's a way of making sure I don't topple off my favorite barstool midst anecdotal rhetoric. 'Cycle' is the word to keep in mind.

Through the years, I've managed (along with my friends) to accumulate several helpful accoutrements in the battle of the bulge, attempting to return to a respectable weight and form (don't have to buy a whole new wardrobe). Viewed together, I noticed that most of them fell into a category requiring the least amount of movement on my part during use. For instance, none required my leaving the house, or, much more than using the equipment for a specific muscle group.

Remember the old Thigh Master?  I remember it. Used it straight from the box, that day. I remember my arms weren't strong enough to squeeze the blue handles close enough together to even get the unit between my thighs -- never mind, my thighs being able to do the squeezing, once in place!  Suffice to say, Suzanne Sommers retains title to tightest thighs.

thigh master photo: $10 DSC00589.jpg

This was followed by the bright idea that I could watch television AND lose weight, cycling my way through the Travel and Discovery Channels, as the pounds just melted off. Turns out, cycling while sitting in an armchair is a lot harder than shown on the box and my feet kept slipping out of those restraints. I knew there had to be a better device.


It was at that point my friends and I decided that upper body exercise was probably more important, and the exercise ball was such a pretty blue. Alas, within minutes of failed inflation, it came back to me that I was the kid who simply couldn't blow up a balloon. I know. I know. I could have used the inflator, but I wasn't thinking at the time and, a few days later, I was ready to move on to something that would really work. The exercise ball still looks like this.

exercise ball photo: Exercise Ball IMG_3213.jpg
Finally, something I was pretty good at as a child -- jump roping -- was gonna do the trick! Yes, I could jump with the best of them; especially, double Dutch jumping. This was a shoe-in. Not! Apparently, as the body changes with the passing of time, jumping higher than four inches in rapid succession is not as easy as one might think. And, kicking up the heels -- well, that doesn't have to be discussed, here.  But, aren't they pretty? They are still tight in their natural fresh-from-the-store packaging bend. Don't you wish you had a set?

jump rope photo: Jump Rope Kwon Photo1013.jpg

Moving on, word was out that belly-dancing was perfect. No jumping! Maybe not an official exercise program but it's a fantastic full-body exercise. I excelled at making the costumes. Would you believe this was me?  I didn't think so -- or, is that envy talking?
belly dancing photo: Belly Dancing belly-dancer150.gif
With the recent acquisition of a most expedient exercise tool, I have now removed all my old body-beautiful equipment from the closet and donated it to Good Will. I bet you want one, too; right?


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  1. HA! This is hysterical. Unfortunately, I can relate. I mean, shouldn't it be enough that I own a pair of running shoes? Why in the world should I actually have to run? (Nothing's on fire...)

  2. Omg. This is great. I had a thigh master and also used it minimally. Now, I drag my butt to the gym and am motivated by a trainer yelling in my ear. :)
    A2Z Mommy And What’s In between

  3. This was great! My mom was always getting us involved in diet-fads we had the richard simmons deal-a-meal cards that never got used, tons of VHS tapes that gathered dust..I did do Tae Bo for awhile. :p