VICPs Are Like Digital Two-Year-Olds

What is a VICP?


A VICP is a Very Important Cellphone Person. They are on their cell phones almost nonstop. It doesn't matter that they're having dinner with friends, on a vacation tour bus, or walking down the street. They are almost never with the people they are with because they're on the cell phone with anyone else.


Now, those who really know me know that I'm not a phone person. Never was. Even as a teenager. Couldn't stand to be on the phone longer than it took to give or receive information. Don't know why, but there it is... so, you can just imagine how excited I was when cell phones took over the world.


Everyone walking around like a homeless person, talking to themselves... wait, no, they're talking to someone else, but now you can hear everything on their end of the line. Stuff you don't want to hear, don't want to know about -- but, can't get away from. TMI at its peak.


It seems there are people, today, who literally can't get from point A to point B without talking to someone else about what their next step should be. What is wrong with them, I wonder. Are they so insecure that they can't make their own decisions, or, more frightening, are they so controlled by someone else that they are not allowed to make a decision for fear of serious repercussions. People terrified of having an independent thought. And, we're raising our children to think they can't function without group think -- a very scary thought, indeed.


We are not discussing teenagers. I know that's how they get oxygen. They did it with land lines. They do it with cell phones. They'll do it with implants. And it is kind of funny to watch them walking down the street together -- each of them talking to someone else on their cell phone.


It's Not All About You VICPs; We're Here, Too


But, there is a point when it has to stop.

• I can understand parents and children checking in with each other.
• I can understand getting a clarification on something you might be doing for someone else.
• I can understand calling for more specific directions when lost.

But, I have a real hard time with marathon cellphone conversations in public. If it's something that requires more than five minutes for clarification, your butt should be right in the same room with the person. I don't want to know where your files are or how to build the next rocket ship. I want to be able to focus on the job at hand. But, I can't, because the VICP insists on sharing every detail of their life with me and anyone else in the vicinity.


So, you're in the line at __________, and the VICP is second in line ahead of you and six to eight people behind. The cellphone will play its merry tune, the VICP takes the call, and everyone gets to listen as they circle in and out of their place in line. No one closes the gap because they have manners and don't want to make a scene. But, people are irritated -- no question about that -- because this side of the call does not reflect that the caller needs instruction on how to apply a tourniquet or where to dispose of a body just run over with a lawnmower -- they're just chatting because they have the time.


The clerk signals that they're ready to take the VICP next, but, no, the VICP just keeps talking, while the rest of the line begins that subtle ominous low grumbling... Finally, the frustrated clerk calls on the next person in line -- and the VICP gets mad! They're not hanging up, they're not ready to conduct their business, but they're not willing to give up what they thought was their place in line, either. WTF! No one owns a place in line and, if you're not ready when it's your turn, it's the next one in line's turn.


The sad truth is VICPs do not:

• give the impression world events need their intervention
• need all the hours in a day to keep up with all their friends
• have businesses that can't function without ongoing instruction
• brighten up your life by letting you in on theirs 

The VICPs do:

• give the impression that they are rude
• suggest they couldn't care less about the rights of other people
• care more for the person on the phone than the person having a meal with them

Why should everyone else be held up until a VCIP's call is finished? When in public, why not use the 'vibrate' feature to announce a call so that the caller can be contacted, later. And, if the call is going to take some time, a considerate VCIP would step out of line and find a quiet corner to discuss their private life.


Two-year-olds are taught not to interrupt us without a good reason, why are callers -- who happen to be free to make the call -- allowed to demand immediate attention? Is it really asking too much for common courtesy?


And, texting...  aargh...

When A Devil's Advocate Becomes Just Plain Mule-Headed

I raised my children to always consider the source of any information they are given. Why? Because so many people will simply give an opinion whether they have knowledge about the subject, or not, and it's usually negative. When, "I'm playing the devil's advocate," is overused, this is where you have to draw the line with that person. It may be that they simply cannot accept a new idea.


What is a Devil's Advocate?


From Wikipedia:

In common parlance, a devil's advocate is someone who, given a certain argument, takes a position he or she does not necessarily agree with, just for the sake of argument. In taking such position,the individual taking on the devil's advocate role seeks to engage others in an argumentative discussion process. The purpose of such process is typically to test the quality of the original argument and identify weaknesses in its structure, and to use such information to either improve or abandon the original, opposing position.

You see? It's something used to help clear up any problems with the original idea or project. As an example, your friend has decided to build Fido a tree house next to Billie's tree house. It would be inconceivable to almost anyone that this would work -- but, not to your friend holding the hammer and saw! Someone (that's you) has to act as the devil's advocate. To protect the dog, if nothing else!


Playing the devil's advocate is similar to using counter-arguments in theses or debates. It's really quite neutral and meant to help complete or modify the idea to a workable conclusion. The first logical argument for the dog's tree house is that dogs can't climb. This is too obvious and practically impossible to say without either raising one's voice or smirking. So, the approach is more supportive and you may ask your friend in a soft, low tone --

• Is that apple tree going to be low enough for Fido to see his house at the top of the crossbars?
• Will that slide be highly-polished so Fido doesn't get splinters in his paws?
• Is that window frame strong enough for the 5000 BTU a/c?
• Where can you get Fido trained to raise and lower that food basket?

You get the point, questions that will make your friend think about possible problems in the hope that it will spark their idea-center into realizing this plan needs to be tabled for awhile.  But, questions that are always supportive and not personal attacks.


Now, if, when your friend is able to blow holes through your arguments with breathtaking clarification as regards his particular Fido's deep love for climbing trees and napping on broad limbs, you continue to press your case, you could be guilty of being just plain mule-headed. You could become a naysayer!


Naysayers Can Really Bring You Down


Naysayers deny or take a pessimistic view of anything, regardless of how much information is given to support the idea they are opposing. They could be either afraid or jealous of your new idea and, in either case, you cannot let them bring you down. It isn't that you just want people who support your idea and let you make a major mistake; but, when someone consistently puts down your ideas without any positive feedback that will help you work to correct a problem, it's time to reevaluate how often you seek the opinion of this person.


New ideas are fragile and must be nurtured or they die under too much negative feedback. Your best sources for honest feedback are those people familiar with your subject. Their arguments will be focused on what generally works in that area and they can be trusted to help you. The less they know, the higher the probability that their arguments will be less effective and far more personal.

• What makes you think you can do that?
• Are you out of your mind?
• What a stupid idea!
• Oh, no, not another one. 

How Do You Respond to New Ideas?


It's hard to monitor ourselves but we can watch other's reactions to our words. Are you one of those people above? If you keep attacking the ideas and projects of your friends or family, you may find that you are left out of the loop because it's the easiest thing to do to avoid being crushed by your naysaying.


It's not your job to tear someone else down simply because they asked you for an opinion. It doesn't mean you have to tear them apart so that you will sound as if you know what you're talking about. The old rule still holds true:

For every negative thing you say, you have to say three positive things. It's best to start with two positive things, slip in one negative, and end with a positive.

Especially, if you are not an expert in the field.

• You have one smart dog.
• This is a perfect location for Fido's tree house.
• Can Fido climb crossbars?
• I love the paint color -- it's so Frank Lloyd Wright.

Believe me, there will be enough critiquing at the time your friend's idea or project is ready for the expert's review. Life is too short to get beaten down by people who are not willing to take chances, themselves, but are very quick to judge others. As a friend or family member, it is your job to be supportive. The wolves are supposed to be outside your circle, not within. Play the devil's advocate, with love. Without new ideas, you'd be reading this on paper.

My Name Spelled Any Other Way is Disrespecting Me

What's in a Name?  My name is Jane Doe. That has been my name since birth. It's the name I answer to when called. It's the name I put on

• applications
• badges
• hello tags
• legal documents,
• raffle tickets,
• paintings,
• and, so on

While it might not be the most important name to you, it is how I identify myself to the world and how the world identifies me. So, why are you so careless when retyping my name? I understand that you're busy (who isn't?) and that it is possible to forget the spelling when my name is just spoken and then I've moved on and you need to get a list made. Chances are, you refer to previous documents on file with my misspelled name to include me on your list.


But, when I have taken the time to print out my name, there is no excuse for you not to take it down as written. I don't care how busy you are, this is just an affront. Even more irritating is when I have given you my name on my own printed cards, pictures and/or on banners, only to find out later that you have decided it's wrong and changed the spelling. I don't care if you have a cousin or a friend with the same name and that they spell it different from the way I spell mine -- it is not your cousin or friend who is going on your list.


If I try to correct you, I'm the one that gets treated as if I'm a petulant child, stamping my foot because the name isn't right in your publication. If it's a one-time thing, I'm probably not going to do anything more than mention it, once -- and, of course, every time I meet someone new at the event! But, if it has been misspelled in a publication, for the rest of the life of that publication, my name is misspelled. The end result of that is, somewhere down the line, I'll be involved in another situation that requires my name being shown and someone will decide that the way my name is spelled must be as it is in that erroneous publication they have kept – because, that is how it was printed!


A Mountain Out of a Molehill - Or, Can You Prove It


Imagine this scenario: You or your child has won an award and it includes a beautiful printed certificate or ribbon for the winner. It's a memento, something to cherish for the rest of your life and put in a scrapbook for the next generation. Would you want to have to add an explanation that the award is real, even though the name is wrong? Of course not. It takes away from what the award is and turns it into a misspelled name story. This is simply a matter of giving credit where credit is due and you would want the same for yourself or your child. It only takes a second to check a name, but a lifetime to correct the mistake.


By the same token, if you are in charge of displaying awards to the public, please see to it that the winners' names are visible so that they can be recognized. There is nothing more disheartening than watching the light go out of your child's eye because no one will know they won an award for all their hard work because the tag has been turned, covered, or crumpled, and no one has taken the few seconds it takes to make it right. This is all a part of the event coordinator's job and the crafter should not be made to feel bad because they point out that their name can't be seen. Simply saying, "Well, you know you won the award," doesn't cut it, here. That doesn't make it go away and it is usually said by someone who didn't get an award.


My Name Spelled Any Other Way is Disrespecting Me


My name is Jane Doe – it is spelled J-a-n-e -- not J-a-y-n-e, J-a-i-n-e, J-e-h-n-e, J-a-n, or, any other combination you can imagine, my name is spelled exactly the way I have written it down for you. To look on the bright side, at least, I have finally found a purpose for the one word I loathe in common usage today, 'disrespecting.' Please stop disrespecting me and allow me the dignity to go through my life with the one thing that totally belongs to me – my name – and I will do the same for you.

Some Drivers Seem to Have a Death Wish

I'm just wondering… Is there a reason why some drivers can't wait for you to make your turn into a driveway or intersection? I can't be the only one this happens to – am I? Does this happen to you, too? You're driving along, either at or a little above the speed limit and it's dark, and there is someone behind you – well, actually, they are almost in your backseat! Behind that car, is a long highway of empty. There is no one behind them, no one. But, they don't want to be behind you!


You see your turn coming up, your turn signal is flashing, you slow down and begin to apply the brakes. Wait! The car behind doesn't slow down and appears oblivious to your upcoming turn. As you enter the narrow driveway, the vehicle whooshes by, simultaneously, which means they didn't slow down, at all.


What is wrong with these people? Do they think I am perfect? What if I didn't slow down enough? They could have hit me. Did they care?


I find it just as difficult to understand people who insist on turning into my lane of traffic within 10 feet of my reaching their intersection. Bear in mind, there is no one behind me, for miles, – probably, all the way to Key West – but that doesn't seem to matter one whit. They wait for me to get closer, then zip out as if there was no other alternative -- like, waiting until I pass. There is no one behind me! Why can't they wait until I've passed and it's safer for everyone?


I used to think this type of driving only happened in the country, but that line is being crossed closer and closer to the urban environment. What are they gaining? Eight seconds? A clear view line? Grrrrr.


While I'm on a roll, let's talk about the lines being crossed - the double-yellow lines. Does anyone read the manual, anymore? I've lived, at one time or another, in several different states and I have never seen in their driving manuals that it is okay to cross the double-yellow lines. And, yet, it happens over and over again here in NC. It isn't that I am going too slow – oh, no, I'm doing the speed limit - and, probably, just a little bit more – and it is still not fast enough for them. Are they crazy? Isn't crossing the double-yellow line universally illegal in this country? What did I miss? Do they have a death wish? Well, let me go on record to say it scares the beejeebies out of me and I want it to stop.


It happened at least three times to me, last week, but, I can tell you that, as sure as I'm writing this and the sun rises every morning, if I had crossed that double-yellow line, the car I'd be passing would be carrying an undercover trooper. Not that I would do that, but, I'm just sayin'... there oughta be a law!

One Man's Trash is Another Man's -- Well, Trash

Sometimes, It Really is Trash


Why is it so hard to see when one's treasure becomes real trash? I think, because everything starts out so desired, our eyes see the flaws as merely imperfections. Keeping things maintained or refurbished for another use is a trait many prudent people share. That's not a bad thing; it's a rather healthy way of using things.

And, we've all been guilty of having to purchase a new item when the original one is lost midst all our other treasures,too! You know you have it -- somewhere; but, you need it -- now. Of course, you have to get another and, knowing you're double-paying for anything is just plain, well, infuriating. I'm sure that's how spring cleaning got its start. Too small a cabin and too many squirrel skins not being used.

And, if it's not spring, holiday preparation and/or moving is the perfect time for cleaning and gleaning. Sorting can almost be done at one's leisure -- as long as that leisure doesn't span decades! Select a box a week and go through the items, throwing duplicates on one pile, broken items in another and those that you plan to keep in still another pile. If you haven't used it in the past 18 months, the chances are you won't be using it, at all. (I know the experts say a year, but there are seasonal things we use and rotate, so adding another six months on SOME items isn't the end of the world.)

While one man's trash is another man's treasure, there is a time when it's all trash. Don't call Goodwill, AmVets, or any other charity to come get broken items or those with missing parts. Let a trash hauler take care of it.

Working with several organizations over the years, it was appalling to see the number of toys and small items drift in that were in such horrid condition, there was no way to re-use them. Each handed over with some form of the phrase, "Well, I know you have folks that can work miracles with these things before finding them a good home, so I've included them." It doesn't work that way. Not every volunteer is a miracle worker and there's just so much time each can donate.  Not to mention the funds to pay for spare parts, paints, etc.

With the holidays coming up, why not go through all your treasures, clean them up, and bring them to your favorite charity for distribution. If it's filthy, broken, with missing parts from another generation, throw it away. That's all you have to do, recognize that your treasure has now become, well, trash, and just throw it away.

The Bowling is Done - Long Live the Bowling!

Bowling in the daytime is my way of getting exercise and keeping in touch with folks who have no other agenda than getting together for fun. I've been on a Senior league for the past few years and it's wonderful. Gone are the days of nasty competition and always having to be perfect.


Now, I'm not a bad bowler but I won't be going on tour anytime soon.  In my younger years, I maintained an average of 155, but now I seem to be stuck around 140.  I've lost my four-step delivery and, as a result of back surgery, have created a nine-step-stop-aim-ball-and-throw-at-the-foul-line approach. I work on placement, not speed, and that, apparently, is still the tricky part. I need Post-It notes on my wrist to remember everything to do before releasing the ball! 


We just finished summer bowling and my teams placed first on one league and fourth on the other.  It's all in perspective. First place was in a league of 14 teams; fourth place on a league of seven teams. On the larger league, I won Most Improved; on the smaller league, I was Most Unimproved.


These are both daytime leagues and don't have anywhere near the stress that you can find on nighttime leagues, when the almost professional bowlers come out to play. I just want to do my best and have fun.


The great thing about daytime bowling is that you can still do evening meetings etc., without always having to line up a substitute. But, the best thing about bowling, for me, is that you can do it at any age and it just makes you feel good. Our oldest bowler just celebrated her 86th birthday. I can only hope that I'll still be doing my share of bowling at that age.  What do you do for your own personal fun and exercise?

Hello, Again!

Hello, Again!

After several computer crashes and a move, I was finally able to locate my information on how to access this blog. Truth is, you cannot put your information in a folder on your computer -- you have to record it on a separate document like a file card to be able to remember all your sign-up information to so many web sites. Then, of course, you have to remember where you put THAT!

Since I have a solar cooking blog that limits my posting to that niche, I decided to awaken The Rockin' Chair Reflections Blog for when I'm in the mood to attack a different subject. Sometimes, you just have to vent. Feel free to browse the older articles and make a comment, or two. I may or may not add pictures; it just depends on how I feel about the posting subject.